[Ezra responses quickly - and hopes he won't regret that. He's habitually an early riser, and this could get invovled.]
Ok. So, if your definition of 'fine' is simply...whatever you can endure and live through, well. That's your prerogative.
There's a sort of clarity in that taking that position. Stripping it down to the barest of essentials. But does that reveal anything you haven't learned already? I think we both know you can survive pretty much anything other people throw at you. Yes?
[ Ezra had seen him be "weak" before but he used that truth to manipulate the young man. There was no purpose for such a thing here. Words. Stuck in his throat. He doesn't think that this answer was suppose to elicit pride, but it did. Yes, Maul was very good at surviving. Enduring. The emphasis on other people didn't escape him. ] Good of you to notice.
[ Speaking of, very smart choice of words. Has him bristling a little but not as much if that had been phrased a little differently. Give him a moment. Wildly informing truth incoming. Not particularly ready to unpack it. ] Something about agency loses its luster when I'm freely given it.
[ Wise choice. We all know how much he loves to talk about ideology. Another time, perhaps. Then again, Maul is Maul. It might go there anyway. ] Do you miss it, war?
I'm lucky enough to have pictures of some of them, with me. First thing that Fox gave back to me, unasked.
I, um. Talk to them sometimes. Imagine what they'd say back. Try to remember the things they taught me, that have helped me. Pass some of those things on.
[ The only way he's ever grieved in his entire life was to get angry about it and seek revenge and as much as he loathed the idea that Sidious was right about something (and he was right about a lot of things), it did never work in Maul's favor. And then he spent so much time on Dathomir and when he was there it was studying the Nightsisters for theirs was a power he did not understand. He still knew almost nothing about his own people. He blames the fact that he's even thinking about this on Kenobi. ]
No. [ A pause. Oh, whatever. It is slow again, measured, coming with the same sort of jagged and cautious cadence as their conversation often took at the Prancing Pony. As if he wasn't sure how the weight of honesty felt in his mouth. ] When we found one another on Malachor, what I really wanted was a — [ Brother. It had been said, but he needed to. Drive it home, he supposed. ] I am — [ Nope, still can't. ] It wasn't— I shouldn't have expected that.
[ Oh, boy. That was hard. That was so hard, haha. But damned if he wont spite everything that ever hurt him and if that meant doing exactly the opposite of everything he's ever done than so be it. Anyway, he heard that disbelief. ] You are wise, Ezra.
Expected? No, you can't make someone feel a certain way about you. [He lets out a small, bitter laugh.]
I've learned the hard way that you can't even get necessarily get someone to accept you a family, even when practically everyone else they see as family has welcomed you.
But, Maul, I don't think there's a thing wrong with wanting- [He takes a deep breath, but he winces heating how tired and sad the next words come out.] A brother.
[And here he's thought he'd been doing ok at not tying himself up in notes about putting expectations on Obi-Wan. Better than the lost stop on the multiverse go'round?
When I...left the galaxy, the first place I landed, Master Kenobi was there. From sometime in the first year of the Empire, I think. I never tried to pin him down exactly when.
[A small pause.] Actually back up - Kanan was killed in action, a few days..before. Before everything I've told you about Sidious and breaking the siege on Lothal.
So I think it's fair to say that Obi-Wan and I were both, at the time, primed for attachment.
Aah, Master Kenobi. [ There's still a bit of malice there in the name but its a lot more complicated now. Large difference, though. Between Obi-Wan, Kenobi, and Master Kenobi. The next words couldn't escape without something of a laugh. ] Of course.
[ Of course someone's woes would have to do with Kenobi. Who else would it be? Anyhow, he finds it within himself to not say something snarky about Kanan's most unfortunate departure but he's not about to feign that he cares. So, he'll say on this topic. Also, you know, because he relates to it far more what with the whole... everything. ] And?
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Ok. So, if your definition of 'fine' is simply...whatever you can endure and live through, well. That's your prerogative.
There's a sort of clarity in that taking that position. Stripping it down to the barest of essentials. But does that reveal anything you haven't learned already? I think we both know you can survive pretty much anything other people throw at you. Yes?
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But it's a narrow sort of clarity. In my experience, very easy for that to become...'this is all there is'.
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But if that blinds you to everything else...is that the sort of clarity you want, here and now?
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Is seek a better choice of phrase?
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We're talking about you defining your own terms. Semantics is kinda the point.
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Yeah, it can be exhausting at times.
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I've spent a lot of time, the last few years, now that I'm not in an actual warzone, trying to work out who I can be beyond that.
[Untangling soldier from Jedi, too. He keeps that thought to himself. Not directly on point, and likely to lead done the rabbit hole of ideology.]
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If I miss war itself...it's a pretty bad day.
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I, um. Talk to them sometimes. Imagine what they'd say back. Try to remember the things they taught me, that have helped me. Pass some of those things on.
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I doubt anyone grieves in exactly the same way as anyone else. Or even the same way over our own lifetimes.
Do you...know if there's traditions, for Nightbrothers?
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No. [ A pause. Oh, whatever. It is slow again, measured, coming with the same sort of jagged and cautious cadence as their conversation often took at the Prancing Pony. As if he wasn't sure how the weight of honesty felt in his mouth. ] When we found one another on Malachor, what I really wanted was a — [ Brother. It had been said, but he needed to. Drive it home, he supposed. ] I am — [ Nope, still can't. ] It wasn't— I shouldn't have expected that.
[ Oh, boy. That was hard. That was so hard, haha. But damned if he wont spite everything that ever hurt him and if that meant doing exactly the opposite of everything he's ever done than so be it. Anyway, he heard that disbelief. ] You are wise, Ezra.
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I've learned the hard way that you can't even get necessarily get someone to accept you a family, even when practically everyone else they see as family has welcomed you.
But, Maul, I don't think there's a thing wrong with wanting- [He takes a deep breath, but he winces heating how tired and sad the next words come out.] A brother.
[And here he's thought he'd been doing ok at not tying himself up in notes about putting expectations on Obi-Wan. Better than the lost stop on the multiverse go'round?
Good job, Bridger.]
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My life is a temporal tangle. [Ok. Story time.]
When I...left the galaxy, the first place I landed, Master Kenobi was there. From sometime in the first year of the Empire, I think. I never tried to pin him down exactly when.
[A small pause.] Actually back up - Kanan was killed in action, a few days..before. Before everything I've told you about Sidious and breaking the siege on Lothal.
So I think it's fair to say that Obi-Wan and I were both, at the time, primed for attachment.
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[ Of course someone's woes would have to do with Kenobi. Who else would it be? Anyhow, he finds it within himself to not say something snarky about Kanan's most unfortunate departure but he's not about to feign that he cares. So, he'll say on this topic. Also, you know, because he relates to it far more what with the whole... everything. ] And?
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