I'm lucky enough to have pictures of some of them, with me. First thing that Fox gave back to me, unasked.
I, um. Talk to them sometimes. Imagine what they'd say back. Try to remember the things they taught me, that have helped me. Pass some of those things on.
[ The only way he's ever grieved in his entire life was to get angry about it and seek revenge and as much as he loathed the idea that Sidious was right about something (and he was right about a lot of things), it did never work in Maul's favor. And then he spent so much time on Dathomir and when he was there it was studying the Nightsisters for theirs was a power he did not understand. He still knew almost nothing about his own people. He blames the fact that he's even thinking about this on Kenobi. ]
No. [ A pause. Oh, whatever. It is slow again, measured, coming with the same sort of jagged and cautious cadence as their conversation often took at the Prancing Pony. As if he wasn't sure how the weight of honesty felt in his mouth. ] When we found one another on Malachor, what I really wanted was a — [ Brother. It had been said, but he needed to. Drive it home, he supposed. ] I am — [ Nope, still can't. ] It wasn't— I shouldn't have expected that.
[ Oh, boy. That was hard. That was so hard, haha. But damned if he wont spite everything that ever hurt him and if that meant doing exactly the opposite of everything he's ever done than so be it. Anyway, he heard that disbelief. ] You are wise, Ezra.
Expected? No, you can't make someone feel a certain way about you. [He lets out a small, bitter laugh.]
I've learned the hard way that you can't even get necessarily get someone to accept you a family, even when practically everyone else they see as family has welcomed you.
But, Maul, I don't think there's a thing wrong with wanting- [He takes a deep breath, but he winces heating how tired and sad the next words come out.] A brother.
[And here he's thought he'd been doing ok at not tying himself up in notes about putting expectations on Obi-Wan. Better than the lost stop on the multiverse go'round?
When I...left the galaxy, the first place I landed, Master Kenobi was there. From sometime in the first year of the Empire, I think. I never tried to pin him down exactly when.
[A small pause.] Actually back up - Kanan was killed in action, a few days..before. Before everything I've told you about Sidious and breaking the siege on Lothal.
So I think it's fair to say that Obi-Wan and I were both, at the time, primed for attachment.
Aah, Master Kenobi. [ There's still a bit of malice there in the name but its a lot more complicated now. Large difference, though. Between Obi-Wan, Kenobi, and Master Kenobi. The next words couldn't escape without something of a laugh. ] Of course.
[ Of course someone's woes would have to do with Kenobi. Who else would it be? Anyhow, he finds it within himself to not say something snarky about Kanan's most unfortunate departure but he's not about to feign that he cares. So, he'll say on this topic. Also, you know, because he relates to it far more what with the whole... everything. ] And?
[Ezra, for his part, silently bristles at the hint of malicious tone, but breathes that out. Maul's feelings are still complicated around the man, clearly, and that's not a surprise.]
And he took over my training. There were three of us who were padawan age, actually - anyway. That all Jedi are extended family is a fairly common sentiment among us, one we talked about openly.
And then there was this reality bending spell, and it came with a whole new life, and the memories to go with it.
I was still Ezra Bridger but that version of me...could barely touch the Force. My life was, well, not particular extraordinary. A small house, school, looking forward to university. I'd lost my parents very young, still, different circumstances.
I was raised by my much other brother, Ben Bridger. Who was kind and thoughtful and good. He worked so hard to give me so much.
[ Aah, and now quite a few things made sense. The young Bridger had been trained by Kenobi. Though hearing about this spell and this concept of Jedi as extended family. He still couldn't quite see any good in the Jedi given everything he'd been indoctrinated with and while, funny enough, a sense of family or community is what he's always wanted, he scoffed at the of both Jedi being family and this spell. ] How... domestic.
I take it this "Ben Bridger" was akin to Kenobi? [ Hmm. ] What shoes this young one has to fill.
He is well known. To you, to I, to many. Regardless, he will feel that. As I still feel, still know, that you and others know a different me. [ Even if they choose to not speak of it (mostly because of his demand that they do not). It's not like he's suddenly forgotten that he's somehow competing against a him that is different and known. A him that has bonds which he does not, may act or feel ways that he does not, may be someone he is not. ]
Sure. He knows an older version of him was my master - partly because it obvious I knew him, and he asked nearly immediately if that was the case. I haven't told him about this whole spell thing, but I've talked about it on the network, since there was a similar Trial, right before you came here. It's not a secret.
If...I profess to love him- [And he would. Does.] I think that means I have to do my best to take him as he is now, and walk this path with him. Not cling to an image I have and try to make him fit it.
[ Love. Eugh. That's a word which gets him feeling all sorts of things, mostly rage. Definitely rage. Who could he have ever claimed to love? He'd call it a weakness; he still does, though there were people. Family. Soured by a man he was honestly starting to think he hated more than Kenobi.
He's silent for some time before replying: ] Aah, attachments. That thing which Jedi are to be weary of.
Yes. [Maul is about the last person he expects to grasp that in the way he'd be taught it means, but hey, he's willing to be pleasantly surprised. And it's entirely possible they're still talking past each other.]
It's hardly a Jedi only idea. Plenty of people have observed that clinging to things can lead to suffering that could be avoided.
[ He may indeed surprise you, Ezra. Still yet the Maul you've long known, though. ] Yet is it not that suffering which can lead to action; to strength?
And in this case, how do you honor the man you knew while facing the man he is not yet and may never become?
Suffering can can lead to strength and action, in overcoming it. But also can simply lead to a cycle of misery, being locked into inaction out of fear. Or at repeating the same actions over and over and expecting different result, which can be its own misery.
[More lightly-] I support this man, try to give him some comfort, even advice. Pay the things Master Kenobi gave to me forward. [With some humor-] And try not to mention when I'm practically quoting him to himself.
[ Pardon him while he has a silent crisis. He thinks over a number of things and flies through various emotions. Anger, of course. The repeating actions certainly struck a chord with him. Grief, pain. Again, Maul concludes that while his hatred for Sidious has grown over the years there was a truth to what the man had said long ago. He does not want to let go of things but he does want to stop repeating the actions which have not served him. Choose a different path toward resolution.
Needless to say, he has a few thoughts on the whole Kenobi thing, given its Kenobi, but in some miraculous turn of events the Zabrak kept them to himself. Snide comments and all. Those could come at another time. The silence continued for a long time until he was certain, he was positive of what he wanted to say. Difficult as it might be he was going to say it confidently. ]
I want— to trust you. I do not expect the same.
[ A long pause. ] I do not know how much or in what way; what I want to become or— but I know that how I feel now and the actions I choose rarely serves me in the end. This pain... [ Strained, easy to feel. It was overwhelming. It no longer gave him power. It controlled him instead of allowed him to grow. ] It stopped serving me years ago. I blamed Kenobi for that for many years. [ He... kind of still does but one step at a time. ] The truth is, Ezra. It was always going to be Anakin. If I had not been presumed dead on Naboo my time would have come one way or another.
And I am tired of being in the shadow of a man who had long stopped being my Master. [ That was it, wasn't it? He claimed to no longer be a Sith but he preached what Sidious taught him all the same. Arguably not even true Sith philosophy in many accounts. ] It does nothing for me. I knew it long ago, but then you came along and I thought maybe this time. I can't. There is no this time.
[Ezra is, in turn, also quiet for a long moment, trying to digest when...well, honestly, not a long speech for Maul -
But he sincerely believes Maul is digging down to pull out things he's been avoiding, so in this sense, that was a lot of words.
He replies, simply, slow but mostly even in tone-]
It would have been Anakin. Or if not him, someone else he thought he could get some new advantage out of. No matter what, he wouldn't have given - maybe he didn't promise things outright, but I'm sure he implied them. He never for one minute wanted you to be...a person, actual and whole.
He wouldn't have tolerated at his side, someone he believed could come out from his shadow, be his equal, or surpass him.
I think...if you keep looking, really looking, at yourself and everything around you, and be honest with yourself about what you see, you may find that, in fact, you can be all those things. Complete without him, and greater than him. Not in the way of the Sith, I suppose. But in your own way.
[Ezra believes Maul is all those things already - a whole person who isn't beholden to Sidious. But he needs time to see it.]
[ It was a lot of words. More words than he had intended to speak but they were words he'd been holding onto for longer than perhaps he knew; things he would have held on to even longer had his story not ended the way that it did. ]
Yes, well he did claim that we had become rivals. [ That ended with am amused chuckle, and funnier yet was that at the time he hadn't even considered the idea. His talk about how he'd done everything in service of Sidious was partially true. He'd indeed been seeking ways to once again prove himself a worthy apprentice. Foolish now when he thought about it. ]
[ But there was a pause; a surprise in how Ezra answered. Feelings that he thought not possible while still breathing and alive. Perhaps feelings that Ezra could feel. Things that weren't so dark. Hope, maybe? That ever elusive thing. He... doesn't say anything more. Words really wouldn't do any justice. And frankly he's still not at the stage where he can say Thank You yet, so. One was free to interpret the silence as such.
He was going to be his own person. Never too late, and besides fifty wasn't actually that old for a Zabrak. He just likes being dramatic. As he do. ]
[ Maul never thought of it beyond the fear that struck him when Sidious came to eradicate them. Though now, perhaps such a thing was worth feeling pride over. The Emperor thought HE was a rival. He could be more; be something different. He already had been so why not make another change?
Much to chew on; but he might have maybe smiled (gross). ] Good night, Ezra.
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I, um. Talk to them sometimes. Imagine what they'd say back. Try to remember the things they taught me, that have helped me. Pass some of those things on.
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I doubt anyone grieves in exactly the same way as anyone else. Or even the same way over our own lifetimes.
Do you...know if there's traditions, for Nightbrothers?
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No. [ A pause. Oh, whatever. It is slow again, measured, coming with the same sort of jagged and cautious cadence as their conversation often took at the Prancing Pony. As if he wasn't sure how the weight of honesty felt in his mouth. ] When we found one another on Malachor, what I really wanted was a — [ Brother. It had been said, but he needed to. Drive it home, he supposed. ] I am — [ Nope, still can't. ] It wasn't— I shouldn't have expected that.
[ Oh, boy. That was hard. That was so hard, haha. But damned if he wont spite everything that ever hurt him and if that meant doing exactly the opposite of everything he's ever done than so be it. Anyway, he heard that disbelief. ] You are wise, Ezra.
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I've learned the hard way that you can't even get necessarily get someone to accept you a family, even when practically everyone else they see as family has welcomed you.
But, Maul, I don't think there's a thing wrong with wanting- [He takes a deep breath, but he winces heating how tired and sad the next words come out.] A brother.
[And here he's thought he'd been doing ok at not tying himself up in notes about putting expectations on Obi-Wan. Better than the lost stop on the multiverse go'round?
Good job, Bridger.]
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My life is a temporal tangle. [Ok. Story time.]
When I...left the galaxy, the first place I landed, Master Kenobi was there. From sometime in the first year of the Empire, I think. I never tried to pin him down exactly when.
[A small pause.] Actually back up - Kanan was killed in action, a few days..before. Before everything I've told you about Sidious and breaking the siege on Lothal.
So I think it's fair to say that Obi-Wan and I were both, at the time, primed for attachment.
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[ Of course someone's woes would have to do with Kenobi. Who else would it be? Anyhow, he finds it within himself to not say something snarky about Kanan's most unfortunate departure but he's not about to feign that he cares. So, he'll say on this topic. Also, you know, because he relates to it far more what with the whole... everything. ] And?
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And he took over my training. There were three of us who were padawan age, actually - anyway. That all Jedi are extended family is a fairly common sentiment among us, one we talked about openly.
And then there was this reality bending spell, and it came with a whole new life, and the memories to go with it.
I was still Ezra Bridger but that version of me...could barely touch the Force. My life was, well, not particular extraordinary. A small house, school, looking forward to university. I'd lost my parents very young, still, different circumstances.
I was raised by my much other brother, Ben Bridger. Who was kind and thoughtful and good. He worked so hard to give me so much.
But he was no Jedi.
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I take it this "Ben Bridger" was akin to Kenobi? [ Hmm. ] What shoes this young one has to fill.
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Padawan Kenobi doesn't have to be anyone but himself.
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If...I profess to love him- [And he would. Does.] I think that means I have to do my best to take him as he is now, and walk this path with him. Not cling to an image I have and try to make him fit it.
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He's silent for some time before replying: ] Aah, attachments. That thing which Jedi are to be weary of.
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It's hardly a Jedi only idea. Plenty of people have observed that clinging to things can lead to suffering that could be avoided.
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And in this case, how do you honor the man you knew while facing the man he is not yet and may never become?
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[More lightly-] I support this man, try to give him some comfort, even advice. Pay the things Master Kenobi gave to me forward. [With some humor-] And try not to mention when I'm practically quoting him to himself.
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Needless to say, he has a few thoughts on the whole Kenobi thing, given its Kenobi, but in some miraculous turn of events the Zabrak kept them to himself. Snide comments and all. Those could come at another time. The silence continued for a long time until he was certain, he was positive of what he wanted to say. Difficult as it might be he was going to say it confidently. ]
I want— to trust you. I do not expect the same.
[ A long pause. ] I do not know how much or in what way; what I want to become or— but I know that how I feel now and the actions I choose rarely serves me in the end. This pain... [ Strained, easy to feel. It was overwhelming. It no longer gave him power. It controlled him instead of allowed him to grow. ] It stopped serving me years ago. I blamed Kenobi for that for many years. [ He... kind of still does but one step at a time. ] The truth is, Ezra. It was always going to be Anakin. If I had not been presumed dead on Naboo my time would have come one way or another.
And I am tired of being in the shadow of a man who had long stopped being my Master. [ That was it, wasn't it? He claimed to no longer be a Sith but he preached what Sidious taught him all the same. Arguably not even true Sith philosophy in many accounts. ] It does nothing for me. I knew it long ago, but then you came along and I thought maybe this time. I can't. There is no this time.
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But he sincerely believes Maul is digging down to pull out things he's been avoiding, so in this sense, that was a lot of words.
He replies, simply, slow but mostly even in tone-]
It would have been Anakin. Or if not him, someone else he thought he could get some new advantage out of. No matter what, he wouldn't have given - maybe he didn't promise things outright, but I'm sure he implied them. He never for one minute wanted you to be...a person, actual and whole.
He wouldn't have tolerated at his side, someone he believed could come out from his shadow, be his equal, or surpass him.
I think...if you keep looking, really looking, at yourself and everything around you, and be honest with yourself about what you see, you may find that, in fact, you can be all those things. Complete without him, and greater than him. Not in the way of the Sith, I suppose. But in your own way.
[Ezra believes Maul is all those things already - a whole person who isn't beholden to Sidious. But he needs time to see it.]
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Yes, well he did claim that we had become rivals. [ That ended with am amused chuckle, and funnier yet was that at the time he hadn't even considered the idea. His talk about how he'd done everything in service of Sidious was partially true. He'd indeed been seeking ways to once again prove himself a worthy apprentice. Foolish now when he thought about it. ]
[ But there was a pause; a surprise in how Ezra answered. Feelings that he thought not possible while still breathing and alive. Perhaps feelings that Ezra could feel. Things that weren't so dark. Hope, maybe? That ever elusive thing. He... doesn't say anything more. Words really wouldn't do any justice. And frankly he's still not at the stage where he can say Thank You yet, so. One was free to interpret the silence as such.
He was going to be his own person. Never too late, and besides fifty wasn't actually that old for a Zabrak. He just likes being dramatic. As he do. ]
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And stays silent for a short while, as he feels a small shift in the Force. Lets the moment rest. But eventually-]
I like my quiet early mornings. [And it is late - an explanation, before he says, voice heavy with warmth, because he's smiling-]
Good night, Maul.
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Much to chew on; but he might have maybe smiled (gross). ] Good night, Ezra.