[ Speaking of, very smart choice of words. Has him bristling a little but not as much if that had been phrased a little differently. Give him a moment. Wildly informing truth incoming. Not particularly ready to unpack it. ] Something about agency loses its luster when I'm freely given it.
[ Wise choice. We all know how much he loves to talk about ideology. Another time, perhaps. Then again, Maul is Maul. It might go there anyway. ] Do you miss it, war?
I'm lucky enough to have pictures of some of them, with me. First thing that Fox gave back to me, unasked.
I, um. Talk to them sometimes. Imagine what they'd say back. Try to remember the things they taught me, that have helped me. Pass some of those things on.
[ The only way he's ever grieved in his entire life was to get angry about it and seek revenge and as much as he loathed the idea that Sidious was right about something (and he was right about a lot of things), it did never work in Maul's favor. And then he spent so much time on Dathomir and when he was there it was studying the Nightsisters for theirs was a power he did not understand. He still knew almost nothing about his own people. He blames the fact that he's even thinking about this on Kenobi. ]
No. [ A pause. Oh, whatever. It is slow again, measured, coming with the same sort of jagged and cautious cadence as their conversation often took at the Prancing Pony. As if he wasn't sure how the weight of honesty felt in his mouth. ] When we found one another on Malachor, what I really wanted was a — [ Brother. It had been said, but he needed to. Drive it home, he supposed. ] I am — [ Nope, still can't. ] It wasn't— I shouldn't have expected that.
[ Oh, boy. That was hard. That was so hard, haha. But damned if he wont spite everything that ever hurt him and if that meant doing exactly the opposite of everything he's ever done than so be it. Anyway, he heard that disbelief. ] You are wise, Ezra.
Expected? No, you can't make someone feel a certain way about you. [He lets out a small, bitter laugh.]
I've learned the hard way that you can't even get necessarily get someone to accept you a family, even when practically everyone else they see as family has welcomed you.
But, Maul, I don't think there's a thing wrong with wanting- [He takes a deep breath, but he winces heating how tired and sad the next words come out.] A brother.
[And here he's thought he'd been doing ok at not tying himself up in notes about putting expectations on Obi-Wan. Better than the lost stop on the multiverse go'round?
When I...left the galaxy, the first place I landed, Master Kenobi was there. From sometime in the first year of the Empire, I think. I never tried to pin him down exactly when.
[A small pause.] Actually back up - Kanan was killed in action, a few days..before. Before everything I've told you about Sidious and breaking the siege on Lothal.
So I think it's fair to say that Obi-Wan and I were both, at the time, primed for attachment.
Aah, Master Kenobi. [ There's still a bit of malice there in the name but its a lot more complicated now. Large difference, though. Between Obi-Wan, Kenobi, and Master Kenobi. The next words couldn't escape without something of a laugh. ] Of course.
[ Of course someone's woes would have to do with Kenobi. Who else would it be? Anyhow, he finds it within himself to not say something snarky about Kanan's most unfortunate departure but he's not about to feign that he cares. So, he'll say on this topic. Also, you know, because he relates to it far more what with the whole... everything. ] And?
[Ezra, for his part, silently bristles at the hint of malicious tone, but breathes that out. Maul's feelings are still complicated around the man, clearly, and that's not a surprise.]
And he took over my training. There were three of us who were padawan age, actually - anyway. That all Jedi are extended family is a fairly common sentiment among us, one we talked about openly.
And then there was this reality bending spell, and it came with a whole new life, and the memories to go with it.
I was still Ezra Bridger but that version of me...could barely touch the Force. My life was, well, not particular extraordinary. A small house, school, looking forward to university. I'd lost my parents very young, still, different circumstances.
I was raised by my much other brother, Ben Bridger. Who was kind and thoughtful and good. He worked so hard to give me so much.
[ Aah, and now quite a few things made sense. The young Bridger had been trained by Kenobi. Though hearing about this spell and this concept of Jedi as extended family. He still couldn't quite see any good in the Jedi given everything he'd been indoctrinated with and while, funny enough, a sense of family or community is what he's always wanted, he scoffed at the of both Jedi being family and this spell. ] How... domestic.
I take it this "Ben Bridger" was akin to Kenobi? [ Hmm. ] What shoes this young one has to fill.
He is well known. To you, to I, to many. Regardless, he will feel that. As I still feel, still know, that you and others know a different me. [ Even if they choose to not speak of it (mostly because of his demand that they do not). It's not like he's suddenly forgotten that he's somehow competing against a him that is different and known. A him that has bonds which he does not, may act or feel ways that he does not, may be someone he is not. ]
Sure. He knows an older version of him was my master - partly because it obvious I knew him, and he asked nearly immediately if that was the case. I haven't told him about this whole spell thing, but I've talked about it on the network, since there was a similar Trial, right before you came here. It's not a secret.
If...I profess to love him- [And he would. Does.] I think that means I have to do my best to take him as he is now, and walk this path with him. Not cling to an image I have and try to make him fit it.
[ Love. Eugh. That's a word which gets him feeling all sorts of things, mostly rage. Definitely rage. Who could he have ever claimed to love? He'd call it a weakness; he still does, though there were people. Family. Soured by a man he was honestly starting to think he hated more than Kenobi.
He's silent for some time before replying: ] Aah, attachments. That thing which Jedi are to be weary of.
Yes. [Maul is about the last person he expects to grasp that in the way he'd be taught it means, but hey, he's willing to be pleasantly surprised. And it's entirely possible they're still talking past each other.]
It's hardly a Jedi only idea. Plenty of people have observed that clinging to things can lead to suffering that could be avoided.
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Is seek a better choice of phrase?
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We're talking about you defining your own terms. Semantics is kinda the point.
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Yeah, it can be exhausting at times.
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I've spent a lot of time, the last few years, now that I'm not in an actual warzone, trying to work out who I can be beyond that.
[Untangling soldier from Jedi, too. He keeps that thought to himself. Not directly on point, and likely to lead done the rabbit hole of ideology.]
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If I miss war itself...it's a pretty bad day.
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I, um. Talk to them sometimes. Imagine what they'd say back. Try to remember the things they taught me, that have helped me. Pass some of those things on.
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I doubt anyone grieves in exactly the same way as anyone else. Or even the same way over our own lifetimes.
Do you...know if there's traditions, for Nightbrothers?
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No. [ A pause. Oh, whatever. It is slow again, measured, coming with the same sort of jagged and cautious cadence as their conversation often took at the Prancing Pony. As if he wasn't sure how the weight of honesty felt in his mouth. ] When we found one another on Malachor, what I really wanted was a — [ Brother. It had been said, but he needed to. Drive it home, he supposed. ] I am — [ Nope, still can't. ] It wasn't— I shouldn't have expected that.
[ Oh, boy. That was hard. That was so hard, haha. But damned if he wont spite everything that ever hurt him and if that meant doing exactly the opposite of everything he's ever done than so be it. Anyway, he heard that disbelief. ] You are wise, Ezra.
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I've learned the hard way that you can't even get necessarily get someone to accept you a family, even when practically everyone else they see as family has welcomed you.
But, Maul, I don't think there's a thing wrong with wanting- [He takes a deep breath, but he winces heating how tired and sad the next words come out.] A brother.
[And here he's thought he'd been doing ok at not tying himself up in notes about putting expectations on Obi-Wan. Better than the lost stop on the multiverse go'round?
Good job, Bridger.]
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My life is a temporal tangle. [Ok. Story time.]
When I...left the galaxy, the first place I landed, Master Kenobi was there. From sometime in the first year of the Empire, I think. I never tried to pin him down exactly when.
[A small pause.] Actually back up - Kanan was killed in action, a few days..before. Before everything I've told you about Sidious and breaking the siege on Lothal.
So I think it's fair to say that Obi-Wan and I were both, at the time, primed for attachment.
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[ Of course someone's woes would have to do with Kenobi. Who else would it be? Anyhow, he finds it within himself to not say something snarky about Kanan's most unfortunate departure but he's not about to feign that he cares. So, he'll say on this topic. Also, you know, because he relates to it far more what with the whole... everything. ] And?
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And he took over my training. There were three of us who were padawan age, actually - anyway. That all Jedi are extended family is a fairly common sentiment among us, one we talked about openly.
And then there was this reality bending spell, and it came with a whole new life, and the memories to go with it.
I was still Ezra Bridger but that version of me...could barely touch the Force. My life was, well, not particular extraordinary. A small house, school, looking forward to university. I'd lost my parents very young, still, different circumstances.
I was raised by my much other brother, Ben Bridger. Who was kind and thoughtful and good. He worked so hard to give me so much.
But he was no Jedi.
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I take it this "Ben Bridger" was akin to Kenobi? [ Hmm. ] What shoes this young one has to fill.
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Padawan Kenobi doesn't have to be anyone but himself.
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If...I profess to love him- [And he would. Does.] I think that means I have to do my best to take him as he is now, and walk this path with him. Not cling to an image I have and try to make him fit it.
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He's silent for some time before replying: ] Aah, attachments. That thing which Jedi are to be weary of.
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It's hardly a Jedi only idea. Plenty of people have observed that clinging to things can lead to suffering that could be avoided.
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